Justin :
So, im applying to FIT’s menswear design program and i have to submit my personal essay. Below is what i have so far, but i wanted to get some opinions on it. I’m still working on my finishing paragraph and am open to any suggestions on finishing it. Any other suggestions are welcome as well =).
Six months ago, I realized what my true passion in life is – it’s fashion! It may sound like a cliché, but it’s true to my heart and something I’m committed to pursue. When I think of fashion, attending FIT, taking classes in fashion illustration, sewing mechanics, tailoring, and being able to make my own clothing someday – I feel passion and excitement. This is how I want to feel everyday for the rest of my life. Even though I’m graduating with a degree in Physical Education and Health this May, I don’t feel inspired or excited, which is a big red flag for me. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve been this inspired throughout my whole collegiate career. All I’ve done is listen to what others thought I should do, and not what I really wanted to do! But for the first time in my life, I’m not going to settle. I’m going to pursue something real and true to what will make me the happiest person in the world – and that’s attending FIT and becoming a menswear designer.
There was a time in high school where I dreamt of being a fashion designer. I loved the apparel design portion of my Home Economics class, and was given praise by everyone on a pair of shorts that I made, but that wasn’t the cool thing to do – so I buried it. That’s when I was at the age where being cool is what I had to do to survive as a young Puerto Rican boy being raised by a single mother. What that meant was that I needed to play sports – which I excelled in throughout high school and my first year in college, until I suffered an injury that ended my football career. So what was I left with? Pretty much nothing besides my football tapes and crushed dreams of becoming a professional football player. After that, I was put in a situation where I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life – with no time to think about it. So, I figured since I’m such a good athlete, why not be a P.E. teacher, which is what brings me to where I am today. The problem with this equation, is that underneath the sports there’s always been a kid whose original passion was art and fashion – not teaching sports.
Throughout college I’ve worked as a sales associate in some type of retail store. This has enabled me to stay close to fashion, clothing, and people who appreciate it. Being able to bring light to someone’s day, by picking an outfit they feel confident and comfortable in, not only makes me feel good – it has also shown me how important clothing is. Clothing gives people a way to express themselves, and I want to be a part of that. I would love to create my own line someday, and allow others to enjoy my designs – bringing them confidence, style, and unique clothing. I know that I would persevere because being artistic has always come easy to me – in many different ways. Have it be through helping customers put outfits together, the clothing that I wear, the clothing that I destruct to recreate, the eye that I have for detail, or drawing and painting (which I excelled in at a very young age). These qualities, the drive and motivation that I have, plus the training I will receive from your menswear design program, will amount to nothing short of greatness and success.
Since I’ll be graduating this may, I have the opportunity to attend graduate school for anything that I want. Even though your menswear program is an associates degree, this doesn’t negatively influence my decision to pursue it. After researching fashion design programs at many other institutions, I envision your menswear design program suiting me best. While other programs may allow me to obtain a 2nd bachelors or Master’s degree, they don’t match the depth and refinement that your curriculum contains – which is why I would love to be a part of it.
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{ 2 comments }
Go to universityessay.com
They can provide a free sample of editing. However, if they don’t do so, you can get the service for about $4 a page and they are professionals ..
Good luck
Off the top of my head I would say you have way too many hyphens.. I’ve never seen any essay with so many, they are very unnecessary.
This part also should be reconsidered:
“All I’ve done is listen to what others thought I should do, and not what I really wanted to do! ” Either rephrase it so that you sound like a strong independent or completely removed (possibly).
Also you mention a lot about physical education, athleticism, being a PE teacher etc. You should talk more about the modern world of fashion and how you think you can improve it. What are your ideas about modern companies?
What else regarding fashion have you done besides made a pair of shorts in home economics?
Good luck with the review.
Andrew